A Few Things Maybe I Did Right in Our Marriage

When I married my husband 40 years ago (Wait.  Did I just say 40 years ago??  That just has not sunk in!!) I did not know how to be a Godly wife…I honestly didn’t even know what one looked like!

Since I did not grow up in a home where the Bible was central.  Essential.  Lived.  Loved.  and since I didn’t really even know a Godly wife, I didn’t know that there was more to it than simply marrying a Godly guy.  Much more.  Much much more.

As a result I spent way too many years learning the hard way…so desperately wanting to do it right.  Get it right.  Live a Godly marriage before our children.  Give them a ‘visual’ to hang on to…to emulate.  Desire.  I failed.  A.lot.  Thank You Jesus that our children are doing a much better job at this Godly marriage thing than we did!!

Here’s the amazing, awesome thing though….as little as I knew about how to be a Godly wife….God taught me much over the years and fortunately there were maybe even a few things I have gotten right!  Here are just a few:

• Let him play.  It is my ministry to him.  It is one way I show love to him.

He loves to play racquetball (or tennis or water ski or golf), to sweat, play, exercise.  Me?  If I get the desire to work out, I’ll lay down on the couch until I get over it.  Not him!!  I want to give him the freedom to do those things.  Did it leave me home alone with the kids more?  Yes.  Does it take up some of his very limited, precious free time?  Yes.  But it also gives him the ‘out’ that he desperately needs physically and emotionally and mentally to de-stress and keeps him healthy. 

What is it that your husband would love to do?  Do you make him feel guilty when he does?  Do you resent it when he does?  Is God asking you to free him up to do it?

• Watch what I say about him.

I never speak negatively about him to anyone.  Not to the children, friends, my mom, his mom, no one.  I protect him in public.  Early on I learned the Bible tells me to respect him….and I cannot think of anything more disrespectful than speaking unkindly about him.  Now…I definitely have spoken unkindly about him to God….then God convicts me and points out many areas in my life/heart where I am doing THE.VERY.THING/S he is doing!!  Oops! 

Listen to the words you speak about your husband.  Are you building him up ‘in the gates’?  Are you speaking kindly about him?  Do you mock him or joke about him or ridicule or criticize him to anyone?  Your mom?  Your friends?  Your co-workers?

• We are different…and it is OK!

I must understand the differences we have and not hold them against him.  For example:  he is not a home body.  He loves to come home.  He loves our home.  He is happy to be here….To sleep.  And sometimes eat.  I know!! Right???  He does not love to just hang out at home.  He is a goer.  A doer.  A player (not that  kind of player!).  oh, for sure, he enjoys coming home after a long day (and night) and watching TV or catching me up on the day….but he is not one who loves to lay around the house or do odd jobs or any such thing as that.

At first….this was hard for me….but as I realized it was because he grew up that way….it was how he was wired….it was not a reflection on me or our home I no longer took it personally.  We are different.  I am a homebody....he is not.

• Pray for him.  Without ceasing!

There have been times when I would pray all night on Saturday nights for my husband….his routine is to go to the church every Saturday evening after kids were in bed and I would pray.  I would go to sleep praying for him….and I’d wake up all night praying.  Sadly I felt so much pressure to pray….I felt it would be my fault if things didn’t go well Sunday!  Crazy!  Insane!  It took me way too long to realize that much of the time my prayers were rooted in pride.  I wanted him to ‘sound good’, I wanted people to ‘like’ what he said, blah, blah, blah!!  Selfish, prideful, sinful! 

Many times I would think that I was the only one praying for him….if I didn’t pray….who would?  Oh that God would raise up people who would tell us that they are praying fervently, diligently, faithfully, specifically for our husbands!!!  Especially on Saturday nights!!!

When our kids were at home and sitting with me in church (because I am that pastor’s wife who does not sing in the choir or praise team) the offering was taken before the sermon…and I would lean over and pray with them for their dad.  I’d pray during the service and after.  Pray, pray, pray.

Now that they are no longer sitting with me and the offering is not taken until after the sermon and I realize that God is not asking me to pray all night for him or else it will be my fault if he doesn’t ‘sound’ good but that God’s word does not return void and that He is the one speaking and that my prayers are releasing Power and Praise and Truth to be poured out to bring Him glory and honor and praise and attention….not my husband!

The thing about marriage is it doesn’t matter how terrible or horrible or hurtful our circumstances are….if our marriage is ‘right’…..bad circumstances are not so bad!!  The flip side though is no matter how great our circumstances are…if our marriage is not ‘right’ our great circumstances will not bring us joy or peace.  Bottom line…your marriage is worth the work.  It is worth sacrificing for.  It is, after all, the picture of Christ and the Church!!!