Convicted

At one time or another most of us has been hurt by people in our church. In some way or another their actions or motives have led to betrayal, disappointment, and let’s be honest, anger.  These individuals feel they have a right of entitlement to their own selfish desires. To be quite honest, my very first carnal instinct is to slap the person and then bathe my wounded soul in chocolate.  Of course, I would never slap someone (mentally, yes), but I have drowned myself in the chocolate.

During my quiet time a few days ago, I became convicted by the Holy Spirit on this very issue on something that had happened years ago but that I had buried.  Then the Holy Spirit brought to mind a situation and a person.  “Wait, Lord! You know this person and what they did. You can’t possibly want me to let it go and forgive them.”

I just sat there in my comfortable chair and let my mind drift back to the past.  To this day I still remember this lay person’s scheming and plotting as they “were caring for the church.”  However, there was no evidence of a Christ-like spirit in that person.  They hurt not only the church staff and their families, the church family but also the reputation of the church.  The last contact I had with this person was eerie.  I looked directly into their eyes and saw a menacing darkness like I had never seen before.  Girls, it frightened me.

Over the years I have carried that last scene in my mind.  I have harbored bitterness toward that person.  Trust me, I took my mom’s words to heart and have tried hard to find something to like about the person.  I just can’t.  However, I do know the Savior loves this person so I must try to love them too.

So as I write my confession to you, I ask that you pray that I can leave the past in the past.  I want to be able to forgive this person and get rid of the bitterness.  I want to be able one day to tell the Lord, “yes Father, I forgave this person through your grace.”