Endure In Your Marriage

The month of January has given me a new appreciation to what we ministers' wives face.

At the beginning of the month, I learned of a church in our association whose youth minister was being forced to resign due to his infidelity. He and his young wife had just welcomed their first child into the world mere weeks before.

In the last day, here at the end of the month, another church in our association is coping with the actions of another student minister's wife. She has moved out and filed for divorce catching him by total surprise.

Oh Ladies, my heart aches! One wife is trying to patch together her marriage by God given grace and His provided restoration. Another has decided to quit her marriage altogether.

One of these ladies I know and consider a friend. The other I don't know from Eve. I have reached out to the one I know, while all I can really do for the other is pray.

I know it is by God's grace alone that my story does not include their circumstances. I know that it is only by God's mercy that my sin nature, or my husband's, has not put us in a similar place. I know I must depend on Him alone to keep and protect my marriage.

Not knowing where each of you are in your marriage, let me encourage you to "endure." Keep your eyes on Jesus, who "endured" the cross, so you can run this race set before you with "endurance." You are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that are urging you on.

Remember that your life and your marriage isn't about you or your husband. It isn't about his ministry or your image. It IS all about Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Endure through the tough times. Endure through the good times. Endure, not for the sake of your kids, or the church, but for Christ.

Endure in your marriage.

Texas, Tennessee, Indiana

Saturday was my husband's birthday! To celebrate, we drove the few minutes it takes us to get to downtown Indianapolis and took in all of the Super Bowl activities! What a blast we had!! We actually even made the evening news!!

All 3 of the states we have lived in came together for his birthday celebration!! Texas, Tennessee and Indiana...and I thought I'd share a little bit with you!!

Tennessee--I HAD to get into this Tennessee Titan "body" for this picture!! Go Titans!! Super glad they did not have "bodies" of the cheerleaders!! Yikes! I for sure would NOT have had my picture in them!!

Indiana--Picture of the Lucas Stadium with Super Bowl and my precious husband!! It has been so much fun living in a town when super bowl is coming!!

Texas. Here is the amazing, easy, yummy recipe for the Texas sheet cake I made for his birthday cake. The reason I am sharing it with you is not only because it is our traditional family birthday go-to cake but because I saw a similar recipe not long ago that required lots of cooking and stirring and work!! THIS takes no time and is soooo easy and good!!

Texas Sheet Cake
2 sticks butter softened
4 Tbls cocoa
1 cup water
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk (OR just use milk with about 1/2 Tblsp vinegar)
1 tsp soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour

Mix and pour into large cookie sheet that has sides like a jelly roll pan (which I don't have) or a larger 9x13 pan (which I use but not sure of size!!) and bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

Icing--put on while hot (I make it while cake is baking and put on after it comes out. I even use the same bowl!)
1 stick butter softened
4 Tblsp cocoa
6 Tblsp milk (more or less depending on how you like it)
1/2 cup nuts (my family does not want nuts)
1 tsp vanilla
box powdered sugar (!!)

Mix and put on warm cake

Enjoy and Blessings to you!

January 25

Today is my mom’s birthday. I would LOVE to go and celebrate her special day with a girl’s lunch out and a shopping spree like we might have when I was living at home. I would LOVE to drive several hours to spend time with her like I would have when we lived in the same state. I would LOVE to call her on the phone and sing happy birthday to her in a very off-key tune like I would have when we lived states apart. But, I can’t. My mom died five years ago.

I would LOVE to sit here and reminisce and recollect her life and my time with her without tears. These tears are more than missing her. They are deeper and full of much more anguish. These tears are because she is not celebrating her physical birth with Jesus. She rejected Him. It has never gotten any easier for me these past five years knowing her eternal existence…and as hard as it is for me…what about for her!!! Oh, my heart cannot bear it.

It is only by God’s grace that those of us who have lost unbelieving loved ones are able to face the Truth of the Gospel and of heaven and hell. I was so angry with God after she died—not because she was sick and died—we all are going to die! I was angry because she did not come to faith.

I will never forget the day when my anger was raging—that God spoke to me and said this, “Dana, I know you are angry. I understand it and know why. Now, you have a choice. You can continue to channel that anger toward Me OR you can channel that anger toward satan, who, by the way, is the author of sin and who caused all of this in the first place!”

I made a decision that day. I would stop being angry at God and channel all of that anger toward the enemy who is out to destroy those God has created. My desire is that everything I do is about defeating that enemy. I don’t want anyone else to suffer like my mom is. Like I am.

Tell or Not Tell?

Do I tell or do I not tell? That is the question! As a minister’s wife, I have had several “ground rules” that I have typically adhered to over the years.

One ground rule is that I normally don’t automatically go and tell my husband stuff people tell me because I do not want to be the ‘go between’. I never want the people in our church to assume that if they want my husband to know something, but don’t want to tell him themselves, that they can tell me and I will tell him. If there is a life or death issue I break the rule—this is more for the people who want to complain or gripe or fuss about things that don’t matter but sometimes even for issues that deal with people or staff.

This ‘ground rule’ has served me well over the years. People soon learn that if they want my husband to know something….have concerns or “issues”, they need to talk to him not to me. I love to protect him that way.

Sometimes it has been super hard to keep quiet…other times it is quite easy!! Right now I am facing a dilemma. Something was shared (as a prayer request by the way!!) that I feel like my husband needs to know—but I don’t think I should be the one to tell him. Or should I?

First of all, it was a prayer request in a group that has a “ground rule” of what is said in group, stays in group. Secondly, I think they need to share their concern (it is a valid one) with my husband. BUT this is not the first time this concern has been brought to my attention.

Honestly, this has been on my heart and I have been praying about this for over a week—I want to “fix” this! I want to be a fixer!! I want to tell him….I want to tell them to tell him! BUT God keeps telling me to be quiet and pray! Pray and let Me handle it My way!!

Oh how freeing! To let God handle these “issues” His way without me getting in the mix and messing things up. Faith, Dana. Faith!!

Great! Good idea, God! That’s exactly what I will do. Say nothing to no one and pray!! So, pray I did. That is, until Sunday….I had a moment alone with one of the ladies with the concern and my big mouth busted out with, “will you please pray about telling Ernie about your concern? I think he needs to know.”

Grrrrr…..I so wanted to not say a word and let God handle this His way!! Forgive me Lord for thinking I can handle things and therefore miss out on seeing You do things that only You can do!!

So, what do you do? Do you always tell your husband the “stuff”?

Sassy Shoes Test

I hate test!  I despise true/false exams because you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right.  I find fill in the blank test slightly easier, however, my mind often goes blank when trying to remember the answers.  I absolutely loath math test.  Give me a break!  If I did not understand the problem in class when it was explained how can you expect me to pass the test?  When math exam day rolled around, I was thankful Peanut M & Ms were there to calm my nerves.

Test!  Do you realize that as a minister's wife we are tested daily?  We are examined on how we care for our family.  I once had a minister's wife who told me she was scolded because she shopped garage sales and Goodwill for their clothing.  This family of five served a small church and their salary was a poverty level.  We are also examined on how we conduct ourselves away from the church.  Are you always smiling and gracious in public?  I try but I fail a lot.  We are tested on how well we cook.  I fail this one for sure.  How many of you have seen ladies staring at you or discussing your taste in clothing or hair style?  I certainly have.  However, I think I passed the clothing/accessory test recently.  I wore a pair of sassy black and white heels to church and I received many compliments.  Score one for me!

We are also tested daily by our Father on how much we trust Him.  Many days I go it on my own.  I trust only my abilities and fail miserably.  On other days when I realize I am nothing on my own and give God control, I pass the test and learn a simple lesson.  One big test most ministers families face is following God's leadership as He moves you to another church or ministry.  If we do not follow God's leading, we may miss the blessing He has for us.  Although passing the sassy shoes test was awesome, getting an A on God's test is indescribable.

Remember how God tested Abraham in Genesis 22 when He asked him to sacrifice Issac?  Thankfully, Abraham passed the test and became the father of a mightly nation.  What would have happened if he had failed to obey God?  I shuttered to think of the consequences.

So girlfriends, are you passing your "sassy shoes" test? 

Sacrifice

I just received an email from a precious friend and former church member back in Tennessee.  To know this lady is to know the true meaning of grace and trust on earth.  What I love about her most is her sense of humor.  Today her email simply stated that she was being sacrificial by eating more than her normal dose of chocolate.  She is doing it in honor of me.  My reply back was to say that I am on a diet-a chocolate diet.  Well, cocoa comes from a bean and magnesium and other vitamins are found in chocolate.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Seriously, my friend's comment about being sacrificial started my mind wondering.  We all know the ultimate sacrifice was the death of our Lord and Savior.  He did not have to die on the cross.  He could have called down the angels of heaven to rescue Him but instead He willingly went through severe torture and death just for us.

But as a minister's wife, what does the word sacrifice mean.  For each of us that word holds different meanings.  I believe one of the toughest is willingly following God's call on our lives.  My husband and I pour our lives in to our church family as if we will always be there.  However, God has chosen to move us about every five to six years.  For us that means leaving friends we love dearly and moving to a new ministry God has for us.  Some of those friends we will see occassionaly but many we will never see again until God unites us in His kingdom.

Over the years of ministry I have had to give up several jobs that I loved in order to follow God's will for our lives.  However, God has been faithful to put a new opportunity before me in our new location.  For example, one job I held was working with juniors and seniors at a high school.  I learned so much in the position and loved my kids.  However, when God moved us I was able to take the skills I learned from my job and apply them to our church's youth group. 

With our recent move I had to sacrifice a volunteer position I absolutely loved-working with ministers wives.  I know God has something for me here and He will direct me in His plan.  Currently, I am just trying to get to know my three staff wives who are precious ladies.  I desire for God to make the four of us a tight knit group.  Also, I pray He will open the door for me to meet other minister's wives in our association and state.  I want to meet some crazy, wild, chocolate-loving ministers wives who love to have fun as much as I do. 

Today I ask that you share your thoughts on this point:  As a minister's wife what does sacrifice mean to me?

God Provides

As many of you know by now, my husband and I moved during the Christmas holiday to a new place of ministry in Arkansas.  Although this was a difficult move for us, God continues to confirm His call even today.

Right now we are living in temporary housing.  One of the prayers on my list for this move was that God would provide a place for us because it would be impossible to afford rent and utilities here and a mortgage note and utilities back in Tennessee.  God has been faithful to provide for our need,  When a former church member from one of our previous churches found out about our move back to the Little Rock area, he called and offered a home his family had.  It is fully furnished down to the pots and pans.  Yep, God is faithful.

However, one thing is missing in this God provided house-our stuff.  Oh, we brought a few things like clothes, a few kitchen and bath items, and a few family photos.  But all of our material possessions are back in Nashville, TN being used to stage our home.

Now girlfriends, you all know that we need our things to make us feel settled.  Girls, I do not even have my favorite blanket with me!  However, a friend in Nashville created and gave us a beautiful afghan which is becoming my comfort.  When I wrap myself in this afghan, warmth spreads over me.  It is a constant reminder of God's love through friends.  Hmm, God is still being faithful.

Even yesterday at church God, with his awesome sense of humor and care, provided for my chocolate need.  One precious person baked a special chocolate bread and another individual brought a jar filled with my favorite nerve pills-Peanut M & Ms!  Oh yes, God is faithful!

Matthew 6:8 states, ". . . your Father knows the things you need before you ask Him."  This is a new place of ministry for us and we may not have all our material possessions with us, but the Father is providing for our every need. 

In this new year how is God meeting your needs?